The Final Straw

Having four children removed from her care was the final straw for Gill. 

This was rock bottom, the time she realised she needed to do something or lose everything that was precious to her; her children, even her life.

Today Gill (not her real name) is the healthiest she has been for decades and enjoys the best relationship she’s ever had with her children.

From despair and addiction has come hope and health.

Gill started using cannabis when she was 13, but by then she was already drinking alcohol. The alcohol and cannabis mix continued until her early 30s when, alongside her partner, she took her use to another level.

With methamphetamines, her life started to crumble. “It got so bad I ended up losing my kids because of it,” Gill admits.

However, she started going to WRAD and her AOD counsellor suggested she try Sliding Doors. The turnaround has been staggering. 

“I got into Sliding Doors and a few months later I got my two youngest back and then my other two girls,” Gill said. 

“We’ve never had such an amazing relationship. They see that I’m not the same person that I was. We can sit down and have a conversation and they can get their feelings out.

“The other day I was talking with my older daughters and they said they’ve never felt so supported by their mum in their whole life. For them to say that to me, I know I’m now on the right path.”

Gill admits she had been on the wrong path for a long time, and went totally off the rails when methamphetamines were introduced.

“I was with my ex-partner for 21 years but because of the drug use it got extremely toxic, very violent and abusive. We were both using; it got so bad that the school called DHHS and they took the kids.”

At the time, Gill was devastated and knew she had to change. “I look at it as a positive thing now because of how much I have achieved,” she says. “I’m no longer in that toxic, abusive relationship. I’ve found myself and become this person who is confident within herself and achieving new goals.”

Losing her four youngest children was the catalyst. “I look at that as my rock bottom,” Gill says.

She was extremely underweight, looking every bit the drug addict that she was, and her mental health was a mess.

“I was at the point where I was ready to end it all,” she admits. “It was a combination of the drugs and the relationship I was in. By that stage I couldn’t even go out and talk to other people without him getting angry and volatile. We were both using which was a recipe for disaster.”

Gill concedes she had a lot of built-up anger and needed to deal with her troubled relationship and issues from her childhood. 

“Those problems were why I starting drinking and using cannabis in the first place and then that led to meth. My partner starting using it first. That pressure of him using and me not using got me started and once I used it once, that was it I was hooked.

“Towards the end, it didn’t matter how much I used, I couldn’t get that feeling. You use and then the guilt and shame would start. I’d think ’why am I doing this to myself’ but I couldn’t stop.”

Gill’s addiction led to legal troubles and she was arrested for shoplifting. She has one unresolved court case relating to an incident in 2018 that was deferred because of COVID but hopes for a positive outcome. “I have a lot of letters of support now; these days I have a lot of support around me.”

Gill attributes her new life to Sliding Doors. Her first stint was from September 2019 till January 2020 and she did well until the first COVID lockdown. “I had a bit of a lapse and smoked some cannabis but I got on to it and re-engaged with Sliding Doors and went through to December,” she said. “I also started doing NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and that’s a huge support network. I go to at least three or four meetings each week.”

“Going into isolation, I didn’t realise how much pressure I was putting on myself for not reaching out. I started ignoring the red flags and everything got on top of me.

“It was just cannabis and I only smoked once but I realised what was happening and put in measures and re-engaged with Sliding Doors.”

The influence of Sliding Doors has been definitive. “The main thing is how it changed my thinking,” Gill said. “I always thought I wasn’t worth anything and deserved bad things to happen to me but they taught how to overcome those negative beliefs and how to deal with certain situations.

“I know now that you are entitled to have feelings and emotions; it’s natural, everyone has them. It’s all about how you respond to them.”

Gill remains committed to NA. “I’ve made some really good supportive friends through that fellowship,” she said. “It’s still a priority. Once you go through Sliding Doors you still need something to keep focus on your recovery. You need to work on it every day.”

These days, Gill can face her problems head on. “If I’m struggling, I’ve got people I can call, my sponsor, my NA members, and they help me work through it,” she said.

“The best part about it is that there’s no judgment when you walk into their meetings; there’s acceptance.”

Her health has done “a complete 180”. “I’m healthy now; I eat three meals a day and I’ve put on weight. I do things for myself like getting my nails done or if I want something I go out and buy it because I’m not spending all my money on drugs. Self-care is a big thing for me.”

Gill’s bills are paid, she has money in the bank, she’s bought a car and she’s able to buy presents for her children.

She has also started studying a Certificate IV in Community Services, hoping to give back some of what she has received. 

“I’m living a life I never thought I could,” Gill said. “Recovery is amazing. I see people who are still using and feel empathy towards them because they haven’t found what I have. I’ve been given back a life I never thought I’d have and to feel worthy of it is an amazing feeling.”